-when i lived in pennsylvania i was in cub scouts and i won the pine wood derby two years in a row. you make a car out of a wood block, nails for axels, and plastic wheels and race them down an incline. my dad did everything but the paint jobs [the first year i entered, he even did that].
-in high school i raced every so often at the local bmx track, the best i ever did was third because everyone crashed, plus they gave me a first place trophy by mistake.
-if i hadn’t moved to greeley, with their “outcome baseed education” system, i must likely wouldn’t have graduated high school.
-i wasn’t good enough to get into the actual degree program i was shooting for at college, so i am stuck with an entirely worthless film theory degree, and feel as though i have a mediocre at best knowledge of the subject.
-i worked at a college town pizza place for nearly seven years and opnly stopped because they went out of business. they ahve since reopened under a new name, and i was not envited back to my former job, despite telling them i would be glad to help at the new place.
-i’ve been unemployed for 2 1/2 months and the farthest i’ve gotten is half filling out a wild oats application.
-i’ve finished at least 25 books in the passt year, but don’t withhold any of what i read.
-ive gone days without leaving the house, and would go more if not for jsut going out to break my streaks.
-i’m an unpaid janitor living for free in a windowless, leaking, too hot/too cold baseement.
-i havent felt sucessful ever basically.
-i had a 2 page picture in a magazine this year and am ashamed of it.
-i’m not going anywhere.
im not drawn to anything.
-this year, for the first time ever, i prefoormed music live, and it was one of the worst nights of my life.
-i feel like im being swallowed up, but by nothing.
-i havent felt like this since new years day.
-everytime i try to help, it feels like im digging myself deeper.
-i feel even the people i think are closest to me, don’t feel the same way.
-my mind feels closed.
-my parents ask why i never come to see them, and when i do, all i hear is how wrong everything i do is.
- especially the things im most excited about at the time.
-i cant tell tehm the things i am actially most excited about.
-i don’t feel any strong connection with my parents or sister.
-i havebeen obsessed with a girl for at least three years thinking of her compulsivly each day, where, how, the rest of it. have been with her for just over the passt year, and am afriad she no longer ahs any interest in me whatsoever.
-i feel like an infant.
-thanks for judging me, i shall now not sleep at all tonight.