i still dont know how to deal with this, its my first friend death. ive always taken a very analytical approach to life and death, accepted it as an unavoidable occurance and not thought about it furthur than that[hence the no future deal…]. i didnt cry when my grandfather died, nor when the neighbor hood kid i loked up to the most did, nor when we put my first dog to sleep. i dont see death as a sad thing, regardless i can decide if the way i feel right now is acceptable or just wrong, steve could barely hold himself together as he told me. he wasnt the closest friend, we rode bikes together in the morning, go for drinks every so often, we were just getting to the stage where we had started running into each other out of randomness and there was no more akward “don’t know you to well” exchanges, just the sort of easy discussions you have with anyone you know. i took him to his first abandoned pool to ride on july fourth, we rode till sunset and then drove back to boulder, where i discovered my keys were gone….without a second thought he offered to drive back to denver and look for them in the dark. wouldnt even accept gas money for the longer trip. i dont feel sorrow, just loss.