i wrote this a few years ago [3 i think], i found it tonight along with alot of other old things that ill probably post in the future to look cool.

my hand [left] and face were numb for over an hour yesterday.
I thought i was dying.
that was fun.
i felt detached from everything.
i was by myself.
i was surrounded by strangers.
i drove home.
i ate japanese food.
i got home.
i laid on my couch.
i got up.
i threw up.
i got vomit splatter on my bare feet and on my pants.
i took a bath.
i still felt detached.
i felt the soap floating around my body.
i felt a film 3cm off my skin, hanging there.
i drank some water.
i washed my clothes.
i watched tv. i got up.
i threw up.
i drank some more water.
i had dry heaves.
i still felt detached.
i put my clothes in the dryer.
i slept. i woke up.
i took my clothes out of the dryer.
i slept.
i woke up.
i read.
i tried to sleep.
i didnt.
i read.
i slept.
i woke up.
i laid in bed.
i got up.
i took a shower.
i drove.
i walked.
i typed.
i proof read.
i printed.
i reformatted.
i reprinted.
i logged off.
i walked.
i pissed.
i walked.
i sat.
i wrote this.
i still feel detached. the lingering ghost of an incomplete something.

wasn’t that fun?!?
the next day the vomit noodles were frozen to my front steps and covered in snow, it was pretty.

umm, if anyone is feeling especially giving this year, i’ll just make this tiny suggestion: please?

so now im up to 4 days without working as my car is still being fixed [well it was as of last night and they’re closed till mon.] so now i just sit at home for most of the day, then ride the couple of mile into town to see movies at night. i need to buy milk, but that shits heavy. i guess my sister is around, but once again, no car.

p.s. new flavor of month is up, and it rules.

so back when life was fun…you know september…we met this crazyrad german kid janosch that had a shop in cologne germany, its next to a place called the pizza pirate [where i got 2euro falafel’s twice a day everyday i was there(=6)]this is nodoubt from there. germans dont really understand the whole “yearrrrrrrrr” phenomena. and it now has a webpage, so…go order bmx stuff from germany i guess. you wont.

my car is finally getting fixed today, its cold and my bike freezes my hands. the past few nights ive been staying up till 6 or 7 and o.c.d.ing while putting 40 cdrs of mp3s onto my harddrive, im close to 60 days of nonrepetative music, plus i just finished wht could become one or 2 new songs that my roomate claims to be histerical, but only cause he thinks im strange and just paces around the house allday snickering at everylitte thing i do. he has the audacity to laugh at my comsumption of fruit rollups and other odd habits, plus he’s got a healthy arsenal of firearms, so i can’t crticise too visciously. i just made soup while typing this, no, not from a can, dammit im a professional cook. and yes i advocate that.

heres what i have to do:

1. deposit paycheck, as i am broke
2. get more tampico, shit rocks.
3. go to work.

i was up till 6 watching the mothman prophicies, wasnt worth it, it was one of the dumpster dvds though, still have about 20 more to watch before i go sell them all.

if i talked to you on saturday night, i forget, blacking out rules…especially when you’re the only one over 21. let me know what we discussed…

i went to sleep at 8 cause i was tired, then it was 12 and my head felt exploded. now i cant sleep, my roommate ate my last little juans burrito, every time i say or type “little juans” i think of max fischer. guess ill eat some worms…

i think ive come to a realization about somethings that perplex me. this solves nothing as im still stuck in this place, and that hoped for escape is now delayed as my car took the shitter, no cali-decem-sun for me. i drown my sorrows in star of david cookies[if you show me how to make a photoblog you’d see pics of those HINT(i wont push my luck)]. closer was a good flick, but again like all artistic things ive partook recently does nothing to help. i think ive decided that the only thing i hate is distance, if everyone i knew lived within one square mile of anyplace, i would immediatly move there and be estatic, unfortunatly such is not the case and i just dream of leaving but repeatedly allow furthur cementing to this chair.

it seems as though isolation only feeds [the imagined] growing rift betwixt me all all i know. odd to think that the departure of my arch nemisis has the ability to throw it all into dissary. but i did learn that i already have one willing peon.