it feels as though there a re quite a few that i could fall in love with, yet i am to cowardly to put forth the proposition…plus they are all far away, then there are those for whom my love is known, but as usual the timing is never there. i still have trouble with the concept of giving up things for others, or reciprecallly others giving up for me. i feel it wrong to sacrifice for another, or for others to do so for me. prehaps to sum it up as love is a two way street, however, there are innumerable exit ramps along the course that cannot be planned ahead.

i feel dumber having written it.

i grinded away with strangers knowing me only as pizza, but that not what bothers me, its more so the random gunshotes in the dark and the unexpected bills on my doorstep that seal my fate, how fun it would be to starve to death in the old world. i wander your old haunts and wish form accompaniement.,.another shot rings out and i understand that the past is there, but cannot become the here and now, nor the hear and know. my plans are foolhardy, but there remains something worth grasping, something to good to release…its good to see that you’re striving

i hear you say you want to spend time, yet upon my arrival there is nothing but immediate berating. its odd that despite my propensity towards seeking it, often times i am let down by the failure for the silence to be broken. i each case i grudgingly accept and carry on my planning and other activities out of you sight. knowing as i do that upon the unvailing of the scheme your dissapointment will only grow.

possibly through the paranoia of my mother, i think i may have been affected by the west nile deal, my tounge is swollen up and i keep biting it and also much drool is being produced, i’ve also been grinding my teeth alot recently. i have nothing to be stressed about, but i think that im letting europe become a fear rather than a good time, money is the main cause of apprehension, as i was planning on grabbing a camera before leaving, only to have my car insurance bill arrive today, oh and i have to find homes for all of my belongings by the 27th. then i head back to camp, the best part of my year. oh, i should fix my car first too….nah….well….

apparently i have a blog, that i can update and stuff….i had no idea. its humid here, i udes to like that is was never humid here, it is bastards. everything i type today looks misspelled. im leaving in about two weeks. huh….the new fatty j’s slogan may become: “drink until you cry.” it was so bad at work today that the 3 cooks working (myself and 2 others) were only able to go on with the help on steel reserve. i love my job. i fly from boston to london on septembet 7th….maybe i’ll come back, if so, i’ll be helping run fatty’s as well as assisting with them opening a few more stores/locations around the front range, should be deece. ghostface is cool.

i promise [to the 4 that read this] that i’ll be back sooner.

apparently i nearly blew up my hand last night, this was either before or after i was tackled into a hottub, it is really funny to have to drive home wearing only boxers and sneakers because everything else is soaking wet, my phone does still work which suprises me. it would appear that anytime harper is in nyc, i end up covered in pain. sorry to anyone i was an asshole to, i imagine there are quite a few. i want to be in europe now, i want to move away again, damn the desire to gain financial stability, if only national geographic would ring me up and send me out, thats where i want to be, here i fell as though im contained in a bubble (what an original metaphor) from here on out anything less than 3 countries a year is a failure.