ok, so first my cell erases most of my phonebook, then my home phone is down for 3-4 days, here’s stuff from that trying period of my life:

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i feel a growing wall of anger and alienation that will crush down upon me at any given time.

today i was thinking of how it pains me that i will never go through the experience of losing a tooth ever again. well, not in the way a child does. that part of my growth and regenerative capabilities are finished. from the first knowing nudges of the tongue against a wiggling tooth, to feeling the sharp edge of the base as it becomes ever further un-lodged. these are lost to me. i want to run my tongue between the emptiness, the feeling of hard surrounding the soft gummy bit that remains then the nub beginning to poke through the surface. the taste of blood…

it is now 5:45p.m. friday june 11th 2004.

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i got up at 5:30a.m., i drove 7 hours to ride my bike for about as long, i created a sequel to chicago is disposable [now with a fresh summer vacation feel!!], i ate with my parents, i sat in the dark for an hour or so, i watched american splendor, five more minutes of darkness, i wrote this entry in a doogie howser-esque text edit document as our phone seems to have died, i just ripped “choice points for the application of force” by Zbigniew Karkowski, im going to try and fall asleep to it.

it is now 11:46p.m. saturday june 12th 2004.

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more people have borrowed my copy of mazzy stars’ “so tonight that i may see” cd than any others [well except maybe stuntrock].

you never call back when i call you.

it is now 2:55a.m. sunday june 13th 2004.

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