for my case of i love america, may i present
exhibit #1. i am noticing that there is a strong tendancy for rain or snow every thursday, my day off. i have no deep thoughs today, i will sleep on it. nah, time to go to wax trax.

“Invent a memory of me and post it in the comments. It can be anything you want, so long as it’s something that’s never happened. Then, of course, post this to your journal and see what people would like to remember of you, only the universe failed to cooperate in making it happen so they had to make it up instead.”

participation = reciprocation.

oh, also: hubert selby jr. r.i.p., and ghettorainbow.

there’s something about the mental image i have of the phrase “baited breath” that i enjoy deeply, at the same time im very impatient.

ive been watching too many westerns, soon there will be a broken ramp in my garage, right now however, there is a nicely functioning ramp in its place, it only has to last 4 months or so anyway, the birds have become a new indicator of when its time to sleep, but i stay and listen to their tune. i though i had things to say, but its the same old stuff, bored, but having fun, alone but content for the most part, stagnant, and thats whats pissing me off, my timeing is as bad as ever. i could leave now, but that means uncertain income, which i require for my post immediate plans, and those plans cause hesitation for making such immediate plans, as would make my happier in the here and now, soon to be the said and done.

so i have a damn near photographic memory, and im starting to get sick of it. wether you do or not, i probably remeber close to everything that we’ve ever talked about [this isnt directed at any one in particular, it goes for everyone i know/have met] because of this i often find myself getting discouraged and angry at people and they have no idea why, i think i hide it well, but then it just builds up inside. then i also start to notice the changes that occur in opinions and behavior of others in different situations and find it compelling, it bothers me to see the changes that people undertake in varing social situations. im sure i do it too, but i dont notice myself.

i read all my entries today, i miss the typed warm smiles. i should stop. perhaps a service should be started similar to eternal sunnshine, but only removing tidbits from clients harddrives, i can t bring myself to do it….

wakeup, shower, ride, film, work, ride, film, told to leave, ride away, police stop us, give up i.d.s, told that we were believed to be stealing bikes and that we were armed with bats, hang with cops for 20minutes, ride away free, eat, drink, videos, sleep.

sherwin is in love with a female police officer, dont tell her.

i now hate art, fuck all of you. i rode dumpsters and garbage piles today, it was beautiful. my friends won a bunch of things at a bike contest lasst weekend, i want to be able to go with them. i now have 3 others definite for europe, i should tell my folks soon i suppose. also fuck growing, i want to be 17 forever, ah the glory days. i hate myself for typing that, but i will not censor me. the bike works for now, despite the flat, i need to fix that. i want to transcribe meaningful things here, but it is jumbled inside me, bye.

hmm, today seemed fine, then i get to driving around and not having any cds i want to hear, so i begin thinking, now i find myself sad, mad, and very unhappy in general. to top it all off some drunk tried to get me to fight in the middle of the street becasue iw was “tailgating” him [quotes=i was at leat 25 feet away from him].

i want to understand, i want to…..i want something…..

last night i had a dream that was nothing but me sitting at a computer having an AIM discussion. i am now worried about my mental well being. to allieviate this, i will now take the brakes off my bike. europe is a definite go as now i have 1 traveling companion for sure, and one ready, willing, and maybe quiting his job. thats the type of commitment i like to see. there are other things, but i won’t bother you with them, you have a life to live, if you really want to know, IM me, wait, don’t. im so tired it feels like my head is leaning to the right, my body to the left, and the room some other way. i know i am stable, but it feels like i will be twisted apart by my surroundings at any minute [metaphor, or accurate discription? you be the judge]

jesus. snow is the bastard. ok, so that i cannot back out later:

1. i am going to spend the month of september wandering around europe, alone if i have to.

2. upon returning to the u.s. i will move to chicago, i will live in my car if necessary.

3. i will go to chicago from may 6th until the ? depending on when i have to work again.

4. i will not blow all the money in my bank acct, i will use it to get shirts made before leaving for woodward. [oh, revision 1, add #.5. i will work at woodward from july? until august 31 [or 30th if thats all there is].

5. finish more books, wait before starting others.

here’s to things fixing themselves, even when others explode. also, to remebering and finding that you still own that cd with the song you cant get out of your head. too often do i discover that i have sold those. now i will listen to shizuo and think of showering, if only i had bought some soap. check the terry richardson link in “art”, i find it oddly hysterical.

today was oddly inspiring, but where to place this inspiration. i think i will surely move away soon, but from tonights discourse i see hope in the land of ruin that is boulder. this town lacks the young blood necessary to survive. it is full of good intentions, but we all lack the drive to pull through. today i recieved a slap on the wrist that will only fade after 9months, then a goodtime in the sun, discussions of the near future and visits with the past. all in all a fulfilling day.

what are you thoughts on “archipelago“? feedback needed. just let me know what you think of the word.

hey mike, get this when the 10.3 version comes out.

o.k.

so i cut my hair [badly as usual] and today i deliver some food to a pricey salon and the receptionist asked where i get my hair done. whats wrong with the world?

my really deep/im so cool thought of the day:

“complacency is stagnation.”

wow.

“I?m just a boy with a new haircut
And that?s a pretty nice haircut
Charge it like a puzzle, hit me wearin? muzzles
Hesitate to die, look around, around…”

it was either that, or wash it, this was faster.

next time you’re bored, go to neoism.net and start clicking and reading, you will figure it out.

often times i think of disappearing, things just don’t work out as i hoped and there’s really nothing holding me here, so why not just store everything away and head out to the world? its not like there’s anything holding me here. maybe a few people would miss me, but they never show that when I’m around. for a while now i’ve felt that im not appreciated, but thats not what really bothers me. its not like im making any contributions to society around here anyway, no as though i want to in boulder regardless. its just that tonight i’ve seriously been considering getting in my car and driving until one of us [car/me] has a breakdown, i;d probably be first…why is it that perfection never works out? i want to have everything right in front of me, but it keeps changing and hiding from me. many times have i believed that everything was perfect, but it never works out in the end. life goes on, but it would be nice to be able to go on with someone else in my life. i dont want to try to change anybody, because they’re are to wonderful for who they are. i have vivid memories of good times and wonder what it will take to have that all the time? right now, my frame of mind is just to head to a far away land and become a homeless hermit with nothing but a bike and who knows? there’s even times when i question my dedication to the bike. at this point i know i’ll never make money riding, but do i just keep on because i have nothing else? i see a lot of those round me moving on in life, but i dont know if i am happy where i am. i find myself bored very often, but at the same time i dont know what else i should be striving for, and that saddens me. what if i dont find anything else to occupy my time. theres things in my head, but i lack the skill, knowhow, or ability to introduce them to the world at large. then theres always money too…i could just keep plodding along as i currently am, but i find no fulfillment therein. i have a mental list of where i want to go/be, but i have no pland or arrangements as to what i will do if/when i get to any of those places. im still not ready to get a “real” job, and doubt my abilities to succeed in doing those things i truly want to try and make a living doing. why is modest mouse on television? why was i watching espn? why dont i answer the phone when it means i’d have something to do? i apologize for being a jerk at times, it just takes me awhile to think things through at times,

im a mess.

i just want to have fun. enjoy it while it lasts.

i know its the wrong word, its just rolls of the tongue so nicely.

a dreary day fills me with dreary thoughts, attempting to cast aside the possibility of being cast aside. either im in the wrong place or someone else is, or perhaps things should be replaced with “will be”. again a timing issue, and whoa, look at the time…i just dont want to be one of the forgotten ones. i’d rather strip down to all honesty and go ahead from there on, but from whence will that opportunity arise?

hmmm, i now have 7 books to read, with 4 more on the way. what makes me buy so many right when it starts to get nice outside? it is raining, so i have that going for me. ive been exposed to too much good stuff recently, and reminded of topics i’ve been meaning to get to for awhile now, plus i still find it funny, now that im done with school, i want to readup on alot more subjects, i just never want to be tested on them i guess. tonight=film a performance for friends, then-? maybe eternal sunshine? probably just books, i could probably plow through two or three tonight, perhaps a first experiment with drunk reading? oh and need to watch b.r.II. i think my roommate stole my headphones, time to burn the house down. i need a decompleximizer, as there i times i just dont get it.

p.s. buy raincoat.
p.p.s. i hate all the spam comments my old entries are getting.

so i’m horribly awoken last night from a dream, this never happens to me. most often i sleep so deeply that i dont remeber any dream, ever. this one is sticking with me. what happened that was so frieghtening? well all i recall is what i did immediatly before being awoken, and that is: taking a bite of a meatball sandwich! gasp! i suddenly was afraid of throwing up all over my bed and couldnt figure out why i had just eaten meat, and really didnt know what was going on. i even attempted to reach into my mouth and get any and all of what i had eaten out of there. i was honestly scared and then/now find it hillarious, i guess it would be bad to have meat now, it has been about 8, maybe 9 years scince i’ve had any. so why do i remember vividly grabbing a nice meaty sandwich and shoveling it in my mouth? if i had this i wouldnt have to worry about it, nice fresh cakes all the time, or i could pretend to have meat with this.